Coming Out?

Pranks, news, sensationalism, and entertainment.

That has what my identity has become.

It's not my feelings and emotions that matter,

but the weekly Jabardast show that has defined my sexuality to my parents:

Before I could come out to them, before I was myself.

"Hey, chikna! Aao na!"- was what they remember when they think of gay and it ain't me wanting my papa on my bed- but it what he would remember when I come out to him. Do I blame the trans community who did it? No. We are on the same boat.

 

They did it to earn their living. 

I do it to feel a sense of belonging though, so I don't feel lonely atleast for a night.

Sure, I have a boyfriend, but when I think of the times I haven't had one, all my "sexcapades" were all cause of me seeking something or someone around whom I felt normal. 

Sure, I was a hoe but back home in India, I had to go through my options on Grindr or facebook before I found someone who made me feel it is okay to be gay. Sure, the thinking changes with generation and if I ever go home there would be more folks happlily gay in my village than I would've found back in my home-city; it always have posed a challenge in finding someone who is true to their own selves than to conform to the societal expectations. Things have have probably changed dratically ever since the honourable Supreme Court of India has revised Section 377, I am not sure how many Indians have realised it.

Here I am, in a first world country wondering how my homeland is doing in terms of my being- after my very being been deemed legal by the largest legal body in the nation. I often wonder if people bat an eye when someone kisses someone of the same gender. Would people ever bat an eye if my ex or a friend made out with an other guy? We as Indians claim it is weird or illegal when that happens and some folks even go as far as to say it causes diseases.

But when you look at the logistics and the science, is it really true? I mean a guy and a girl having sex has an equal probability of contracting an STD as a queer person, what differentiates me from the straight folks?

I say, the way we are taught. When there is a comprehensive sex ed at schools which isn't biased towards straight folks, we sure would have confident queers willing to be themselves rather than confirming to the societal norms that want them straight!!

That has what the law has done for me. Made me brave and a ton of my friends. When I visit home I can be finally unapolegetic of my own being. I can finally be free and tell my friends of my being and not feel shitty cause being me is finally legal. 

I am happy being me.

I know you- most of my friends who read this know of me, but just in case you don't know, or you refuse to believe it- hereby I tell you- I AM GAY. Yes. I am gay. And I am happy. And if you are shocked, feel free to text me. I would be more than happy to answer you. 

I believe that for the years we have known each other, it was rather obvious.

Yes. I am gay. And it's okay. ❤

-Pr@veen (certified by Jason, my ex-boyfriend as very good!!)