Musings Of A Disoriented Critter

Of nostalgia- of endless nights - gazing at the stars that occupied my dreams, a smile adorned my face each time as I saw the twinkling lights scale the sky, a hundred lives fast asleep in a metal box flying high. I craved to be with them,  I smiled as I was them; Its bitter spirits and bland foods made me smile for paradise awaits, a new life, a new adventure and here I am living a dream- a nightmarish dream, but a good one nonetheless. I am happy, in depression and despair, I am happy- for am living my dream-  of its chilly winds ever inviting, its city lights ever filling me with awe I am finally home! And each sleepless night I spend so worth it, cause they remind me am alive! so alive and free- free to be me! And thus I'm complete!

Of the moments the image of you occupied my each fleeting moment, Of the moments of forgetten smiles. A wisp of music brought you back A tint of memory a smile renewed I know I miss you and you know it too. For the night I confessed I saw tears, pure as pearls roll down as I held you. They were sweet as a shared fry shared in a scandalous laughter. Of hands intertwined as we smiled, in a hall with strangers we felt free. Of endless phone calls, of timeless texts. Each do I ever cherish. Can I have more of those nights? Can I have more of those moments? Sometimes my heart wonders, what if distance never was a part of the equation? Ever wondered? Why oh why? But as much as I try, My heart still yearns for you... yep! After all this time, it still wants you by my side. For, it is never content without you.

I don't want to talk to you not cause I don't trust you enough I don't want to talk to you cause it'd hurt you seeing me hurt I don't want to take to you caue you'd want to go out there and do everything that'd make me feel better, and say everything that'd make me feel better. And, as much as I like that, am not ready for it yet. I don't want to talk to you cause you care too much at the expense of your sanity! I don't want to talk to you cause you wish the best of me Care for me less, and I will be fine. For the things I feel at the moment are nothing but passing clouds I will be fine, I promise!

Eyes searching to find them hiding. A crippling sigh; A lost dream. Nightmares surround, Yet happy for the trust that abound!

The pointlessness of a life craving a point Never well understood, never will be Chasing after unreal dreams, even though so real Seemingly real, do we chase Why?

I woke up this day to meet my routine: of mindless clatter, and muffled chatter- of keys and notes and static on my screen; Numbing my mind, nibbling my thoughts. There I sat waiting, waiting for nothing. There I sat lost, lost in my head; Lost of the memories- of the days that past: yellow meadows yonder, yellow warmth of wonder. What is it that changed?? Melancholy, 1894 by Edvard Munch